June 19th,2021 I'm back here.

That day, June 19th, from the fourth suicide
It's been three years today.
I never thought I'd see you back here again
All the darkness has been layered up again
Old memories have been dug up
Mixed with the memories of the last six months.

Now, if there's any reason to want to live...
Well, I'm sure it would be something to gush about.
"I want to go to Helsinki, Finland, to see the Northern Lights.
I want to travel to Scandinavia by myself on my 27th birthday.

And next year, I want to travel around Europe like Maaya!
As she wrote in her diary, from everywhere

I've met so many people in my life.
I've been through a lot, I've been happy, I've been sad
And misery.
I've managed to get through, overcome and get back up.

Life, love, friendship, family...
I've been standing in front of the various divides, the various crossroads
And I'm wandering, I'm losing myself
I don't even know who I am or why I'm living
from all parts.

And then I look back...
I've never
I've never lived for myself
Always for someone else.
I've always been a shadow of myself

I've been trying my best to please, to not let anyone down.
I've been trying so hard
And at the end of it all
I've let everyone down, and I've lost my true self.
It's been 26 years, it's been a very, very long time.
And to be honest, I'm sick and tired of those days.

As of today, "I" (Shota) am dead.
In the burnt dust, I came to life again
It was the real "I".

Let my second birthday be today
My wish is

1, to keep searching for myself
2. To set myself free and live for myself
3, to never go back to my parents' house again
4, to stop living for someone else
5. To love no one for the next 20 years.

And my last wish is

To no longer hate anyone, to forgive myself and others.
To break the cycle of hatred here and now.

June 19th,2021