June 20th,2021 Stillme

Is living a luxury I shouldn't ask for?

 

"I want you to die."

That was said to me by the three women I've loved the most.

The three women I don't want to disappoint.

 

One of them is the mother who brought me up

One of them was like a sister to me

 

And finally, this woman...

 

The one I love, the one I promised a happy and wonderful future to

The only one I was meant to be with

The only one I've ever taken seriously

The perfect woman to whom I proposed twice, asking her to trust me with her future.

 

But I was so unworthy at that time

Even now, I'm not even sure I can make you happy.

Yes, you guys are right.

I deserve to die, don't I?

I don't deserve to live.

 

But I'm sure

I know that one day I'll make you happy.

I still believe that deep down inside of me

Maybe not right now.

Even if you're not with me anymore

If you can keep smiling for the rest of your life

That's all the courage I need

I can always keep trying, I can always move forward

 

No matter how much you deny my feelings

No matter how much you hate me, no matter how much you'll always hate me

Even if this is the only thing that I feel for you anymore

 

I'll never forget that promise

The day your father passed away, in a church in Guam

I want to marry you in the presence of a priest and God

Even if it's ten years from now, even if it's twenty years from now

 

If I, a sinner, if I, an irredeemable son of a bitch

If I still have the right to love a woman...

I want to love you, without hesitation

 

I still love you, and I always will.

 

June 20th,2021